SleepingOrchid

Children. = LEGACY – “How have you evolved?”

You are looking for a partner in the joint project that is existence. Sometimes our longing is for children. Just as we need mentoring, so we long to mentor. Focus on what you will leave behind, your “legacy”. No matter that there may be an “embarrassment of absence” in its’ non-presence, there is still time to plan.

What would we wish others to write on our memorial plaque? Does the universe agree with us about what kind of person we are? What would others say about us and our importance – how would they describe us? It is time to bring these visions of self into synch. Some of us leave solid objects behind – buildings, say, and others leave people – human beings we have generated, affected or raised. Some of us leave plans – foundations, trusts, writings, neighborhood alliances. Some of us leave works of art that fill the minds of watchers with mystery and awe.

And some people don’t care at all. “Après moi le deluge” is the “Let them eat cake” philosophy attributed to Louis XIV – why should he care what happens following his death? In the annals of selfishness this is the ultimate selfishness; a human being with vast power, privilege and control, who just doesn’t care about other human beings. How do we use our powers and privileges? How do we choose to be remembered?

“Parents’ unlived lives are child’s greatest burden,” says Jung. We get it! We have expectations for every relationship – where do they come from? “Expectations” – unrealistic, counter-intuitive, contra-indicated and downright destructive – are the ruination of soulmates. Parents are ALL about expectations. They can’t help it so we can’t help it. Helicopter parents hovering are like farmers digging up their own crops to see how growth is coming. The kids are left with a disturbed sense of either never getting a personality started, or cultivating a “secret” personality.

These parents take the concept of “legacy” to mean that they personally will continue to magically exist, instead of accepting its real definition of empowerment for persons familiar but distinctive from ourselves. “Gratified” parents are no easier on their progeny, if anything, they become MORE intrusive. Many of us are so exhausted by this that the idea of having children ourselves is unimaginable. We seek a soulmate with our same level of shock. It feels shameful to confess this, and it adds another worry – won’t we only attract selfish people?

What if you WANT to have kids? What if that biological clock is gonging away and that’s why you’re in the Soulmate Market to begin with? Clearly someone like that is not looking for a soulmate, they’re seeking a Co-parent, (possibly a step-parent); a co-provider or maybe just an excellent set of genes.
It’s easier to focus on the need for your Soulmate to “join” your family. They’ll have to, and you’ll have to join theirs, if they join you. Sometimes you “join” by rejecting. You’re going to have to listen to their horror story, and they’ll have to listen to yours. Sex makes babies; that does happen, and should be discussed. But first, you’re going to have to look deeply into someone’s eyes and know that they’re the one. This is the source of that mysterious feeling that you’ve known each other in some other life. And perhaps you have.
Today’s mantra is, ”Embrace youth.”

Leaving the Coven

A craven of cronies stood
Between us & God
God hated short skirts, God
Demands clones.

A damnation of judges
Stood between us &
Knowledge; truth exists
Only in service to others.

A clowder of cretins
Stood between us &
Art: “Don’t be disturbing”
“Never trust instincts.”

From the depths of
This oubliette
You drank the koolaid
Guaranteeing your survival

Cherishing passion
Rescuing me –
As I rescued you
So I could grow up
And write this poem.